I'm Too Upset! What Do I Do With All This Anger?

The volcano burst forth the other day like it does on so many occasions and all of these big feelings and tears just poured down my son's face.

The burst of emotion caught me off guard and reminded me that I really had no idea in the moment where all of this emotion is coming from.
Sure, I could guess as a parent but really, there are just so many levels of intricate feelings happening within each experience that sometimes, it's really hard to tell in the moment just why the volcano is bursting forth. As parents, we are usually so quick to go to a solution to just stop the emotion, stop the pain, stop this uncontrollable river of emotion overflowing. Yet, the process of discovery is sometimes lost as we stumble quickly towards a solution.

For within that one precious moment when the volcano finally explodes and the lava is overflowing all over the place, lies some great golden nugget of connection. And your child is waiting for you- enticing you -to find that golden nugget, to dig deep and not let any piece of that gold go.
You're child longs to be discovered beneath everything.

(here's a secret:so do you!) I'm learning that there are so many luscious surprises when we actually do go mining for gold.

For, as my son's tears erupted all over his face, and I was feeling shocked at the suddenness of emotion, I chose to become a discoverer and just be with him in the land of emotions.
I could see the fire, his frustration building up in his eyes. .
.

.
it was like he wanted to cry but was trapped in the actual crying process as if the crying wasn't really him but that it was a part of him that he didn't quite understand. So, while wrapped in cloaks of emotion, from deep within himself, he looked helplessly into my eyes and a small voice emerged: 'Mommy, I don't know what to do with all of this.

'It was one of those moments that stops your heart. Know what I mean? It was just so honest, so raw.
.

.
. so.

. .

so. .

.

. human.

He said it again as if to reinforce that it really WAS something that he was struggling with - the enormity of an emotion riding through his body. And he really didn't know what to do with 'ALL of this. ' If you get really honest with yourself, isn't this how you feel too at times when your emotions are coming up so strong and so big for you? Sure, it's easy to push them away and easily distract ourselves.
But, if you were to really sit with your biggest feeling - sit right in the middle of the fire of the volcano bursting forth - and just BE there, you would probably utter something of the same.

'I Don't Know What To Do With ALL of this!' Big feelings are like these gigantic boulders that come rolling through our bodies (and our lives.
) And often, they completely knock us over, allowing little space for recovery.

Remember the last argument you had? What was fueling it? Could you really stop the volcano of anger, sadness or disappointment from exploding once the lava begins to push forth from the depths of the mountain? Maybe you could but like it or not, explosions often happen yet our gold of the moment - that gold of connection lies in our ability to recognize that there is a great awareness wanting to give birth.

For, that's what awareness does.
It lets us know that whatever feeling you may be experiencing in the moment is not really you. Whatever explosion is happening with your child, awareness allows you to remember that deep inside your child, he/she is also wondering, 'What do I do with all of this? ' And as the volcano explodes and the tears run down your child's face and your child doesn't know 'what to do with all of this' - with all of this sadness, with all of this anger, with all of this confusion, with all of this love, with all of this anxiousness- this deeper part of your child is calling out to be freed and known by you.
Because it's that deeper part of your child that, in fact, does know what to do in the heat of the moment.
It's that deeper part of your child - your child's soul- that knows exactly what to do.
It's your child's soul- the awareness of love within your child's soul- that knows it's time for a great emotional release to happen.

Time for the volcano to explode.

Time for the lava to spill out everywhere.
Time to make a mess.
And it's the awareness of love within your soul that can let your child know that it's OK. Let the volcano explode.
Let the lava run.
I'll be right here by your side.